"Hold on there, Hoss."
I told him: "Just goin' for the mail, Feelgood, nice to see you and goodbye."
Of course, by now, Feelgood has blocked the path to the mailboxes because he KNOWS I am underfed, historically. (Mr. Haines is the reigning chieftain when it comes to tales historic.)
Feelgood: "Start chanting 'By the shorts of gitchiegummie' and what's the first thing that comes to mind?"
Ol' Hoss: "Thailand?"
Feelgood: "I didn't slow you down to banter. This is good for you to know in case you ever need to know about American history, which I think you know you do."
Hoss: "Okay, Feelgood, lay it on me."
Feelgood: "What you think of is Pocohontas, a.k.a. Matoaka, which nobody uses on accounta it is a slippery word. And the thing is, Poco didn't have a damn thing to do with it. See, she was a Pontiack, and the gitchigummies lived someplace else and drove Hondas. You probably want to know where, so I'll have to look it up for you." (All of these are paintings of Pocohantas -- or none of them is.)Hoss: "Oh I would be SO in your debt...."
Feelgood: "So then Pocohontas saved Capt. John Smith from being head-bashed, then she got herself captured, then she got religion, then she married John Rolfe, who developed Virginia tobacco. See how it's goin' here, Hoss? Huh? Thanks a lot, bitch."
Hoss: "I don't get it."
Feelgood: "Sure you do. If Poco hadn't wanted to go to England, John Rolfe wouldn't have needed a lot of dough which he got from developing tobacco, which is what is wrong with your lungs, you dodo. And the worst thing is that Pocohontas means 'playful one.' My ass."
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When Slick Willy and Dubya get together, what happens next? Go here. (Stolen from Miss Cellania.)
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My favorite word today is warmup. Adj., wonder buns. Def.: The odd feeling you get when sitting on a seat still warm from someone else's bottom.
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