It is apparent that I need to do something to Make My Pile, and so I have decided to adopt the idea presented to me by Big Dave: Help out you people what needs help. This means I am going to become an Advice Communist, which you people who ask for my advice will have to pay for because I need the money. Here are samples of my advisories:+ + + + + + + +
Dear Dr. Hoss:
My wife thinks that I am kind of boorish -- maybe even unnecessary. What can I do to convince her that I am worthy and stuff? --Penrod Plentiful, Tribune, Alaska.
Dear Penrod: Probably what you need is a French tickler. Send $18.75.
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Dear Dr. Hoss:
The guys at work are always teasing me because I wear women's pantyhose to work. How can I make them stop? --Girlie G. Pansy, Texarkana, Tex.
Dear Pansy: You have overestimated me. That will be $10.95.
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Dear Dr. Hoss:
My girls are straight A students at Misfitting High, but now they want to get into the band. What instrument do you recommend? --Wonder Afar, Belgium, Okla.
Dear Afar: Skin flute. Pay $23.00 through Pay Pal.
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Dear Dr. Hoss:
When I go to singles' bars, I always seem to be "odd man out." What now? --Edison Dogood, Blessed, Me.
Dear Edison: Quit going to singles' bars. $19.95, please.
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My favorite word today is shark. N., ooo what big teeth you have. Def.: Fantasizing about lawyers.
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