A Streetcar Bell Named Desire

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had passed away, Thelma went straight to her grandparents' house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother, and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Thelma told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh, no, dear," said granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm -- nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding, out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear. "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

(This little gem is from my pal The Pirate.)

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Okay, how about one from Huw:

A bus carrying a group of nuns crashed, killing all on board. At the pearly gates, St. Peter asks: "Before you are granted entry to heaven, have any of you ever touched a man's genitals?"

A nun, shamefacedly, raises her hand. "I once put my finger on some." And St. Peter says, "Wash that finger in this bowl of holy water, and you may enter."

The next nun pipes up: "I once touched some genitals with my hand." And St. Peter says, "Wash your hand in the holy water, and you may enter."

Suddenly there is a commotion as Sister Marie pushes and her way from the back of the queue. "What is the meaning of this?" inquires St. Pete.

Sister Marie explains: "I want to wash my mouth out before Sister Bernadette washes her cooter."

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My favorite word today is son-deip-faran-Y-Gfret. N., huh? Def.: A Welsh word meaning "will-meet-at-HeavensGate-for-kidney-sauce-whether-the-glue-sets-in-the-inkwell-two-inches-wide."