I'm as Sharp as TWO Tacks!

Every now and then, here in the Home for the Grizzled, the Activities Director gives us written tests so as to activate our brains. It also helps determine who are the candidates for the Alzheimer's Division down on the first floor. Here are the questions from a recent test, and my answers. As usual, I have an answer for everything. I wasn't born yesterday.

Q.: What is a Whatzit?
A.: A thingamabob.

Q.: What is a Dildo?
A.: Theodore Dildo was Governor and U.S. Senator from Mississippi in the 1920's and '30's.

Q.: What is Fellatio?
A.: An Italian film director.

Q.: What is Bondage?
A.: Massachusetts pronounciation of Band Aid.

Q.: Does God answer all prayers?
A.: Yes, as long as you don't ask for anything. That's why we have banks.

Q.: Why are chairs called "seats"?
A.: So Masters of Ceremonies don't have to say: "Ladies and Gentlemen, please be chaired."

Q.: Why does hair grow out?
A.: Because toenails grow in.

Q.: Can you spell your name?
A.: Wye, oh, you, are. En,A, em, ee.

These tests are self-graded. Everybody always gets 100% (although I am the only one who gets the answers right) because they don't want to be sentenced to the Alzheimer's District. Down there, nobody has answers. They only have questions.

P.S. I overheard the Activities Director talking about me the other day, and damned if she didn't compare me to Gov. Bilbo, about whom it was said: "He wasn't always as bad and he sometimes was."