Just Another Day in the Life

Welcome back to Dementia Central. I took a nose count of the number of Old People in assisted living homes around the country so I invested in a crematory. Business is going to be good.

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We had a fire drill yesterday. Random events:

-- Rudy Longfellow spent 15 minutes pushing "out" on his room door that swings "in."
-- Carolina Sister was delayed because "I never go out without lipstick and my hair combed, and I had to put on my Sunday best because there might be news photographers."
-- Judy Goldiblob, told to take "the nearest exit," argued that "my dearest exited long ago."
-- At this writing, Gretchen Howcome, who takes 4-inch steps, pause, push walker, etc., is still on her way out. On Day 2.
-- We all burned to death.

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An old saying: "Energy can neither be created nor destroyed." Will whomever has the energy I used to have please send it back?

You ever notice how much it hurts when you crack your "funny bone"?

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My job in the kitchen today was to milk the maggots. God I wish they'd fix the separator.

And lunch today is corned beef and skunk cabbage. Can't wait.

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Nine people from The Home went to the local Indian Casino a couple days ago. Hazel Nutt told me some guys were playing a game called "Poop."

I thought for a minute, then said: "I think you mean craps."

Hazel: "Poop, craps, doodoo, dung, rabbit droppings, cow pies, horse apples -- it's still a shitty game. All those men throwing dice and lying."

Me: "Lying?"

Hazel: "Yes, there wasn't a woman around and those men kept saying 'I'm fucked!'"