Children's Books in Time for School

Quite a few children's books have been written. Not all of them have been published. Here are some your poor kids will never see:

What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?

You Were an Accident

Jane Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia

You Are Different and That's Bad

The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy

When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It

Strangers Have the Best Candy

Barney: The Prison Years

Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver

Pop Goes the Hamster, and Other Great Microwave Games

Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

Things Rich Kids Have That You Never Will

Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear

Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

How to Become the Dominant Military Power in Your Elementary School.

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What's the name of the guy with no arms and no legs who is lying on the front porch? Matt.

What's the name of the guy with no arms and no legs who is lying in a bed of leaves? Russell.

What's the name of the guy with no arms and no legs who has been pinned to the wall? Art.

What's the name of the guy who will never do this again? Mr. Snake.

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My favorite word today is taint. N., mystery zone. Def.: The area between the vagina and the anus: "T'aint pussy and t'aint asshole."