I Am Giggly Because This Is So Over

(Yesterday's art work was supposed to be a stegosaurus. I couldn't tell, either.)

This, at last, will be the final post necessary to tell you how Ol' Hoss spends his day. Having run through my b**groll, everything else is pretty anticlimactic.

2:40 p.m. -- Research for favorite word of the day. Blatherskite comes to mind. Jamie Dawn suggests a word she invented, hitonius. I invent riotonius. How about "queen"? Def.: A guy proud to be called "His Hindness." Needs work.

3 p.m. -- HAPPY HOUR! I didn't really have two Young's Deluxe Double Chocolate Stouts this morning, Shelley. (Shelley is my No. 1 daughter who decided to read my piece. Shit.) Happy Hour is two sour mash bourbons/water/ice/vodka.

3:05-5 p.m. -- Research for tomorrow's piece. Scan my wife's Presbyterian Church Bulletin, find the minister making a strong case for Bible study in school:

He laments "the fact that significant percentages of the population know nothing of what is arguably one of the most foundational pieces of literature in the world. Huge numbers of people don't know, for instance, where phrases like 'East of Eden' and 'salt of the earth' originated, or who Abraham, Moses and David were. Culturally, we are all poorer for this biblical amnesia."

Well, "Amen" to that. I had to take "Bible History" in college. I had to take Advanced Biology, too, where they taught Evolution. This is "arguably" the best of all possible worlds.

Find another gem from the minister:

"It's not surprising that people who minister to kids are under great pressure simply to keep them entertained, to make church fun. Kind of like the time when Jesus preached his first sermon in his home synagogue and they responded by trying to kill him." Jews have more fun than anybody.

5::10-6 p.m. -- Write piece for tomorrow: "When Salt Lake Wasn't So Salty, Which Is Why Rhode Island's Borders Are So Pourous." Strongly emotional stuff. A two-hanky yarn.

6:01 p.m. -- Invent a slogan for Morton's Salt: "When It Rains, It Pourous."

6:02-9 p.m. -- Boring. Dinner, Pee, TV, Bed. Wake up shortly after midnight, which is the end of the day and the end of my "How I Spend My Day" story. Whether I went pee, and whether the seat was up or down, is no longer of any interest. Made sure the toilet paper roll was configured in the "over the top" mode, though.

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My favorite word of the day is butchery. N., not good news. Def.: What you know has happened when your stylist, combing out your hair, says, "It will grow out."