I'm Not Bored; Are You?

See, what I forgot was that this was going to be "The Summer of Compliments," and I only complimented a few people. So in telling you how Ol' Hoss spends his day I am getting around to complimenting some of the other people. The problem is autumn has occurred. Tough bananas. As Ol' Hoss always says, "So it goes."

11 a.m. -- Still checking my b**g buddies. I go see my great pal Jamie Dawn.(Picture by her brilliant daughter, Courtney.) This stoic has had something like 18 throat surgeries and she is heaven-sent for maintaining a sense of humor. She has a female doctor who used to be a man. If you want to think evil thoughts about that, goodbye. So after I am done protecting people's privates, I drift over to Missouri to see Cara, who has been thrust into being a home-school Mom almost without warning. She is doing nicely, I think.

11:07 a.m. -- Hoo boy. Time for one of my favorite stops. This is at the home of J&J's Mom, there in Virginia. The other day her son says, "My penis fell off." Later he says, "No it didn't. I tricked you." I swiped this timely cartoon from my really, really good friend, Poopsie, of Dyersburg, TN. Poopsie is a farm-dwelling therapist hoping to find a Prince Charming, but it isn't life or death. She is one of my prize people. I leave there and zip up to Wisconsin to see Chris, who spent a week down South helping Katrina victims, only to be run off by Hurricane Rita.

11:13 a.m. -- It is well past noon there, so time for Ol' Hoss to crack another "Young's Luxury Double Chocolate Stout." Thish is going shwell, folksh.

11:14 a.m. -- I can see I am not going to get to mention everybody because some of them are new, and I can't characterize them yet. One more time: "So it goes." Time out to count up the votes for my proposed first piece next week: "How Grunion Got Their Name." Zero. Okay. Something on bestiality? Been there, done that (but not often!).

11:16 a.m. -- I love to tease my buddy Bonnie, because she went to that Veterinarian School (Cow College) called Michigan State. Bonnie is a terrific writer. Go there for some pretty words and pictures, and to be reminded to "call your mother." My Mom is long gone, so I go back to Tennessee to see Busy Mom, another brilliant lady who can get 20 comments with a one-sentence post. Busy Mom is now 41 years old!!

11:20 a.m. -- It dawns on me I have not visited the "strange people." One is the irreverent Blog Ho, who recently completed (finally) a two-page book. The other is equally irreverent, Arizona's Lightning Bug's Butt, who actually has a printed book on the market, "What's Shakin' in the Men's Room." I can't imagine what that might be.

11:25 a.m. -- Caregiver comes by to see what we want for lunch. Choices: Kilbasa and sauerkraut, or egg-potato casserole. We used to be able to walk to the Dairy Queen. Decide to just double up on oatmeal cookies.

11:26 a.m. -- Can't decide whether to visit the zany Esther Wilberforce-Packard or the school teacher Mamacita, whose URL is "weeklyscheiss." "Scheiss" is German for bullshit. She is fibbing. Her stuff is like silk, lustrous and well put together. I read both these sites because I can't resist zaniness or fine writing.

11:30 a.m. -- I am in awe of Raehan, a mother of two down in California who recently confided she will go for No.3. This lady can write about poop or Picasso with equal ease; you leave this site day after day saying to yourself, "That was wonderful. How does she do that?"

Say, that calls for some haiku:

I've had rich rewards.
I've gone from nutzos to soup,
And ended with poop.

(Hoo boy. Have I not called your name yet? Raise your hand and you can go potty. Seat up, please, if you're male.)

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My favorite phrase today is a dead duck. Adj., the end all to be all. Def.: What you are after your buddies tell you, "Try it, you're only young once."