Scientists Say Creationism Is 'Too Bad'

This here is a picture of a separatist signpost in downtown Salem, Oregon. See, the State Capitol is on State Street, and the Methodist Church is at the intersection of State and Church. (A block to the west is High Street, and you can just imagine what goes on there.)

Bible belters don't have all the power in Oregon. But we have to admit that when it comes to arguing about Creationism vs. Evolution, the Bible thumpers have the best of the argument. See, they don't have to prove anything. You say, "What about the dinosaurs turning into birds?" You say, "Look how the flamingo has evolved into lawn ornaments." And they unburden themselves with the perfect response: "That's just the way it is."

But now Ol' Hoss has the poison pill. He puts "paid" to the creation cretinists:

There in the Bible it quotes Big Ernie as saying, in Genius, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of the earth..."

Okay, fine. So where did seedless watermelons come from? Huh? How about that!

So maybe Big Ernie is Luther Burbank in disguise? I think not. No, sorry, creationist lovers, the evidence is too overwhelming in favor of evolution. Seedless watermelons descended from monkeys, just like everything else.

Hoo boy, science is so simple when you know a lot of stuff, like I do.

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I got more goods from my pal in North Carolina, Judy (kenju). Per example:

A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage in our country. There is a simple answer: Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low.

The reason for this is purely geographical. Our oil is located in Alaska, California, Coastal Florida, Coastal Louisiana, Kansas, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania and Texas.

Our dipsticks are located in Washington, D.C.

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Also:

Among the Top 5 Smart Answers for 2004:

As a man approached a flight attendant at the departure gate, he opened his trench coat and flashed her. She says, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Ho, ho har de har har. Also:

A lady is picking through the frozen turkeys at the supermarket, and they were all pretty small. She says to the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" And he says, "No, ma'am, they're all dead."

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My favorite word today is zoo. N., a movie named Animal House. Def.: Where you take children to watch monkeys play with themselves.