My buddy Vicki Bennett has called my attention to a news story that talks about a potential volcanic eruption on the South Sister Mountain, which is about 100 miles east of my Old Folks' Home. Some researchers say even if it blows, it won't be all that big a deal, unfortunately. I think the visitor industry has put this in the category of "too bad," because a decent volcano is a pretty good tourist draw, which would create more jobs for Oregon.See, the neat thing about volcanoes is they draw a lot of rubberneckers from out-of-state, so we can throw up some hot dog stands and invent a lot of jobs in the service industry. Jobs in the service industry are well-liked by Big Business because they don't pay much, and they are well-liked by poor people because they can't be outsourced. You couldn't possibly sell hot dogs in India to someone who wanted to see a volcano in Oregon.
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Until recently, most of the rubberneckers have been over there in Serbia, according to this other story Vickie sent me about the World Testicle Cooking Championship. It seems an Australian who called himself Nigel told some people in Sumska Kuca, there in North Serbia, that he was the world's leading chef when it came to cooking up kangaroo nuts, and he would be glad to show off his skill if the Serbians would get ahold of some testicles.
So the Serbs went balls out for this idea. They rented this expert a hotel room, bought some kangaroo testiculars -- and the sumbitch never showed. Well, they went ahead with the World Championship, and a team that whipped up bull and boar's nuts won the title, so the day wasn't wasted.
The sponsors said they hope Nigel will show up next year if he hasn't gone tits up. They said they would hang loose.
All this talk about testicles has made me hungry for nutcrackers:
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My favorite word today is patience. Adj., like a great blue heron. Def.: What you use while waiting for the right moment to screw someone over.
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