To Put a Spin on It

Casey was entered in the Olympics Ice Skating competition. So he took the floor -- and put on the worst performance anybody had ever seen. He couldn't spin, fell three times and continuously ran into the sideboards.

So the judges scored his performance: India 0.0; Great Britain 0.0; Russia 0.0; United States 0.0; Ireland 10.0.

The United States judge turned to the Irish judge and said, "Are you out of your mind? That was terrible!" The Irish judge demurred: "It's very slippery out there, you know."

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A little boy was playing outdoors one day. His used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it began to get dark.

He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized her broom was missing. She asked the little boy if he knew where it was.

"It's on the back porch," he said. "Well, go get it for me, please," the mother said.

The boy told Mom that he was afraid of the dark. Well, said Mom, "The Lord is out there, too. Don't be afraid."

So the boy opened the back door a little and said, "Lord, if you're out there, hand me the broom."

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My favorite word today is death. N., and then you reincarnate, right? Def.: Life's way of telling you that you've been fired.