Look for me everywhere you see buttcrack. I am the Duct Tape Swordsman....(This jewel of a picture is from my buddie, The Poopsie.)
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Next Monday I am going to have an operation on a couple of aneurysms in my aortic whatsis. It's quite possible I won't be posting that day....
Today, though, no knives.
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Laura Bush bought Dubya a parrot for George's birthday. You hear about that? She told Dick Cheney, "This bird is so smart! George has already taught him to mispronounce over 200 words."
"Wow, that's impressive!" Cheney says. "But you realize that he just says the words. He doesn't understand what they mean."
"That's okay," Laura replies. "Neither does the parrot."
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Life is sexually transmitted.
Give a person to fish and you feed him for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and he won't bother you for weeks.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in a hospital dying of nothing.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 1960's, people took acid too make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
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After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They all are asked the same question: "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning your passing, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in the lives of children."
The third guy thinks for a minute, then says: "I would like to hear them say...LOOK! HE'S MOVING!!"
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My favorite word today is fish. N., nothing a little rotenone can't cure. Def.: Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the weekend.
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