Once in a Nutshell

A b**g address, www.onesentence.org, asks people to tell their story, briefly -- that is, in one sentence. These are insignificant stories, everyday stories, or turning-point-in-your-life stories, boiled down to their bare essentials. For instance:

I stopped hurting myself a long time ago because I got bored, not because I got better.

Then, after hearing about fecal aerosols, I never flushed with the lid up.

As the Lithuanian midget, that was only known to me as Betrinka, flipped the homemade Madonna tape in her transistor radio, I realized that asking for "a little fun" in Prague meant something wholly different than in the United States.

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Put down the phone and nobody will get hurt.

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Two elderly friends, Bill and Sam, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Bill didn't show up. Then another day went by, then another.

Sam didn't know what to do, since he had no idea where Bill lived. And so a month went by.

Then, one day, Sam went to the park and there was Bill. "For crying out loud, Bill, where have you been?" Sam asked.

Bill: "I've been in jail."

Sam: "What for?"

Bill: "Well, you know that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop?"

Sam: "Yeah, what about her?"

Bill: "One day she charged me with rape and I was so proud that when I got into court I pleaded guilty. And the judge gave me 30 days for perjury."

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My favorite word today is drama. N., oh bury me not on the lone prairie. Def.: Life, with the dull parts left out. --Alfred Hitchcock.