I'm in Fat City

For the benefit of the mildly healthy, The Old Folks' Home conducts exercise classes three times a week. The favorite exercise is this: Extend right arm, pinch thumb and forefinger together, rotate wrist to the right. "This," the instructor says, "is good for when you have to turn the key to start your car."

Anyway, I have been wondering what happens to all the fat that people lose as a result of exercising. I can't believe it just disappears into thin (thick) air. I think what happens is it floats around until it finds a place to land. Right here in The Home, for instance, I think the fat being lost by Susie Redwipe (exerciser) is being accumulated by Gretchen Howcome (non-exerciser).

Here are some other things I imagine have been happening:

+ Queen Latifah, who thinks poundage is beautiful, becomes 15 pounds more beautiful as she takes on fat lost by the bulimic Mary-Kate Olsen.

+ Ten-pounds of globules from the rear of Britney Spears fall on top of cremated remains of serial-killer Ted Bundy. This is good: Bundy has not had a piece of ass for many years.

+ Twenty-pounds of jello-like substance shed by workout guru Richard Simmons descend upon the butt of Jennifer Lopez. She doesn't notice any difference; nobody notices any difference.

I wouldn't go outside today if I were you. I hear Oprah is still exercising.