Amounting to a Hill of Beans

We oldsters in the Old Farts' Home are being given the opportunity to plant a vegetable garden in the vacant half-acre north of this place. It is not going well.

Joyce Greenfinger: "Right here is where we will sew the seeds for the pole beans."

Lettie Howdoesyourgardengro?: "You mean bush beans, right?"

Joyce: "Pole beans!"

Lettie: "Bush beans!"

Merle Hertz: "Look, I've got a pole, you girls got a bush. Let's settle this in my room."

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There's a news report that Elton John will marry his long-time partner, David Furnish, late this year or early in 2006. People voting for a wedding theme song are betting on "I've Got You Under My Skin." (I know I promised never to be mean. Promises mean nothing to me.)

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More things about me (I thought you'd never ask):

24. I played a round of golf once that took six hours. Along about the third hole, one member of our foursome, Junior Fastlife, kicked the bucket. So ever after that, for the rest of us, it was "Hit the ball, drag Junior. Hit the ball, drag Junior." This can really slow you down.

25. I learned to play bridge in college. I took a year of foreign language, German. Guess which of the two I still remember. Yeah, sure, guten tag to you, too. Eins, zwei, drei....7 spades, down 2, doubled and redoubled.

26. When my brother and I did bad, our Dad would spank us with a 3-ply razor strop. One day my brother, who is 20 months older than me, got spanked and refused to cry. So Dad quit spanking both of us. I owe my brother 20 months' worth of spanking.

27. In the 7th grade, I was trying out for the track team. I didn't seem to be able to run as fast as usual (and I was a FAST sumbitch, which I learned trying to run away from all those spankings which I deserved because I was so bad but that's another story). So I got home and told my Mom I seemed to be having stomach pangs and maybe I was hungry. Mom looked in what we called "The Doctor Book," diagnosed me as having appendicitis, and off to the hospital I went. I didn't make the track team.

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Matey says:

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.