Making My Pile, Part 3

People in an Old Folks' Home (Tertiary Division) like me, have way too much time on our hands. For instance, lately I've found myself wondering:

Is the Southern Cross a punch by a left-handed boxer?

Is the Rapper 50-cent only twice as big as a quarter?

Are 4 rufous hummingbirds twice as big as 2 tons of cow plop?

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Okay, here we go with Part 3 of How I'm Gonna Get Rich off Ol' Hoss's Slave Labor Camp and Riding Academy. I think I'll set up the Riding Academy as a non-profit (which it won't be) corporation, because I'm going to need a tax dodge or two, what with all the money I'll be making.

Naturally I will have to get me a horse to fulfill the Riding Academy part of my DBA, but that would be okay. We've got about an acre of land outside our backdoor filled with bunch grass and dandelions so the beast will have plenty to eat. And here's how we can make some subterranean money on the deal:

First, I'll grind up all the horse apples and sell 'em for mulch. $4.50 a bag, easy.

Second, I'll get me some of those coin-operated binoculars like you see at Niager Falls and install 'em on the decks outside the second and third floors of this place. That way, the old women could put in their quarters for 5 minutes at a time and marvel at the size of that horse's wang all they want.

Benefit to Residents: Sex education.
Benefit to Hoss: $125-4,000 a month (depends on size of horse's wang).

Now, for the sum of the summation:

There are at least 70 of these Assisted Living Facilities in Oregon. By my calculations (unerring), if I took 'em all over I could haul in $4,284,125 A MONTH!

Now, here's the bad news for you investors. My buddy Bill Gates has been reading this right along with me as I type (Microsoft knows everything, just like God), and he has decided to pay me $3 billion for my idea. So you're out, and he's in.

I certainly ought to have enough, now, to buy a decent headstone.

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I've told some of you that I got me a great reincarnatin' plan. Well, I really don't, because I haven't settled on what I want to come back as. I don't want to come back as a horsetail or a snake. And the first smartfuck who says I'll come back as a horse's ass is going to be permanently banned from this site. I got pull with Internet people.

Maybe I'll come back as a banana slug. They's pretty, like me.