We're So Embarrassed

Some of us in The Old Folks' Home were having a Fireside Chat the other day, when Casey Atbat suggested we each tell something about our past. He said, "For instance, we could tell about the most embarrassing thing ever happened to us. That might be interesting. Then again, it might not. But at least it would help pass some minutes before we all start to nod off."

I said, "Well, that's not a bad idea, Casey. Whyn't you go first?"

Casey says: "Oh, I never been embarrassed in all my born days, so I got nothin' to tell. I guess the closest I ever came to being embarrassed was when I was in junior high school and I tried to find out which of the female teachers was putting out. The principal called me into his office, and he was really hacked when he discovered I was a failure, that I hadn't found out who was screwable. He really wanted to know. So that was pretty embarrassing, that I couldn't help him out."

Merle Hertz butts up: "How about you Maude? You ever been embarrassed?"

Maude Frickert: "Oh my yes, and on my wedding night, of all the times to go blushy. It turned out that neither I nor my Caleb knew nothing about that sex thing. So after a bout of examinin' and pokin' and jabbin' and missionary positionin' and anal look-sees, we called the preacher. And I said to his pastorness, 'How do we do this sex business that is supposed to go with weddings and the back seat of a 1937 Packard?'

"Well, the preach showed Caleb, right there in the bedroom, what he was supposed to do. And he said, 'Maude, it has come to pass that Caleb has got a long learning curve, so I will have to show you this instruction again, say every other day for the next year or so. Caleb seems to enjoy watchin', anyway.'

"What was so embarrassing," Maude conclusions, "was that Caleb had such a long learning curve. Even the preacher wasn't that long."

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I read where the Belgian Interior Minister has apologized. It seems that some of his people who were training others in how to decipher "body language" had compared George W. Bush's facial expressions to those of chimpanzees.

Well, I indeed think an apology was in order. Chimpanzees do not have beady eyes.