The Ancients Can Play Games, Too

There is a general feeling here at The Home for the Horse and Buggy-whipped that the Olympic Games are unfair to old people. You have to be pretty damn hale and hearty to participate in stuff like mud wrestling, basketball showboating, and 100 meter dashers, donners and blitzens. Hale and hearty = young.

Our inmate Whose Daughter Is a Lawyer wants to file suit for age discrimination. But Carolina Sister had a better plan, I think. "We will develop a competing tournament, where haleness and heartiness won't mean diddly squat. It will be for Old People. And we will call it The Ancients' Games."

Ol' Hoss: "What kind of competitions do you have in mind, Mrs. Sister?"

Carolina Sister: "I'm sure everybody here has some good ideas. But, for a start, how about Crosswords? The winner would be the person who provides the most definitions of 'cross', such as vexatious and angryness. People in wheelchairs could play."

Hope Eternalspring: "Why yes, and how about the person who can name the most body parts, like brain and asshole?"

Clancy Applerot: "And then we segue right into contests for pus squeezing, mole counting, and needle threading."

Ben Gonefishin: "I'd like to see a category for retired pedophiles. Kind of like synchronized swimming: we'll rate the contests on style and sincerity."

Maude Frickert: "And don't forget cow chip spitting and the watermelon seed toss."

Carolina Sister: "Okay, then, it's settled. The only thing left to decide is whether we want this on NBC or ESPN. I do so like Chris Berman on ESPN. He calls me Carolina Sister City. Isn't that precious?"

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I'm pretty damn smart, but computers have got my pencil whittled. I'm having a hard time figuring out how to link other sites on the Internet. But I got some help from my buddies Raehan and Steve Bottle Rocket, so today I'm going to try to make a link. Do me a favor and see if you can find Raehan here.

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Ol' Hoss says:

You know you have Internet anxiety when you start commenting on posts before they are written.