'Bubble and Squeak'

My buddy Debi, over there in the Isle of Jersey, says "bubble and squeak" is what we would call tidbits, or miscella-
neous. Cute, no?

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If you started driving from Victoria, B.C., to Salt Lake City, your halfway point could be Halfway, Oregon. It would be pretty stupid to go through Halfway on your way to Salt Lake, but you could do it. Halfway only has a population of about 300, so you probably wouldn't run into any cellphone/car accidents there. What you would run into is Modern History, as wrought by The Old Folks' Home historian.

Feelgood Haines: "Hoss, you hear about the troubles in Halfway?"

Hoss: "I am faint of heart today, Feelgood, so I cain't take no bad news."

Feelgood: "Bullcrap. You're healthy as a new-vaccinated whore. Their trouble over in Halfway is they sold cheap and bought high."

Hoss: "Get it outta your system."

Feelgood: "Yessir. Back in 2000, for 20 computers and $75,000, the Town Council changed the name of Halfway, Oregon, to HALF.COM, which was a Philly internet player. This was on the Today Show, and they don't lie much, so it was true. After a year, it changed back to Halfway, so you could again be halfway between some places. Like, right now, this little town is halfway between two littler cities in Oregon, if you can imagine such a thing, Langrell and Pine. Or Nome and Atlanta."

Hoss: "That it?"

Feelgood: "Hell, no! You in a hurry to pull your pud or somethin'? Well, with this $75,000, the Halfway City Council made a down payment on a $500,000 fairgrounds building, figuring tourist income from news about HALF.COM would bring in beaucoup bux. It didn't, so the city got foreclosed on. But that ain't the worst."

Hoss: "What could possibly be worse?"

Feelgrood: "You Google for some singles matchups in Halfway and they ain't any. City is piss poor and you can't get any action. So no point in driving through there, I'd say. Damn place is halfway to nowhere."

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Flux. Flocks. Frocks. Flicks. Flacks. Fox. Fax. Bleh.

Not all the useful words start with "f".

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Short people should buy stretch limos.

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"I'm not the butcher or the butcher's son, but I'll beat your meat until the butcher comes."

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"He moved in such a way that suggested he was attempting the world speed record for the nonchalant walk." -- Terry Pratchett.

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My favorite word today is skin. N., epidermis epidemic. Def.: Item found in copious amounts at skateboard parks.