A Stranger in Paradox

Sure you remember. That old joke about the pig?

A city guy visits a farmer and sees a pig with two front legs ambling about on a scooter, because his back legs were gone. The citified says, "What's this?"

The farmer says, "One time we had a fire, and that pig came in a woke us up. Saved our lives. You wouldn't wanna kill a good pig like that all at once."

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Susie says you go to Google, type in your name, followed by the word "needs" -- as, in my case, Gene needs. The descriptive material will yield you some nuggets, such as:

"Gene needs to be modified."
"Gene needs to be turned off."
"Gene needs to be inserted."
"Gene needs to take his brain out of his ass and look in the mirror."

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I think our Homeland Security colors need some updating, just because. What have we got, Yellow, Orange, Red? How about:

Yellow stripe: Time to chicken out.
Black and White stripe: We have strong convictions this time.
Mustard: Potential for gas in the subway system.
Purple: We are about to be royally hosed.

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My favorite word today is puzzler. Adj., thinking deep. Def.: Wondering whether the just-married Hollywood dream couple knows a position you don't.