All in the Timing

I am in the fireplace room of our Golden Oldies Home, when in comes Feelgood Haines. Feelgood is the guy who's our homegrown history buff, but today, he says, "I think you'd be interested in knowing some science stuff I been saving up"

Hoss: "No I wouldn't."

Feelgood: "You ain't interested in women?"

Hoss: "Well, yes, but..."

Feelgood: "This is about how you can remember gestation periods."

Hoss: "!!?"

Feelgood: "See, you use a memory crutch. Like, say, ROY G BIV gives you all the colors of the rainbow, from Red right down to Violet. Or that 'There's a rat in separate.' 'I before E except after C and a few other places.' So here's your memory aid about gestation periods:

"The elephant was saddled with two long years,
"When God was playing dirty tricks.
"The mouse got by with just three weeks,
"But woman was saddled with 36."

Hoss: "Why do I need to know this?"

Feelgood: "Elephants can live to be 80 years old because of that long gestatory period. Eighty-two if you count the way the Chinese do. Humans live to be a 100, but it's only because they get good medical care and we can force-feed 'em if we have to. Mice don't live long because they got a short gustatory and besides that they have to eat saccharine, butter, tobacco and shit like that."

Hoss: "But...?"

Feelgood: "What I ain't yet figured out is, When an elephant gets a cold, where does it get its chicken soup?"

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My favorite word today is secret. N., of initiations and such. Def.: What you promise to keep, but don't.