Working Hard But Losing Ground

I wonder if they felt a positive jolt in the economic fortunes of Tennessee today at 6:15 a.m. when I took a slug of Jack Daniels. Taking a slug of Jack's at that time of day is called an eye opener, and I needed it to write my piece. It made me sleepy, though, so I took a nap instead. I had to dream up a topic, anyway.

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One of my buddies reminds me that I haven't told you lately about the old TV show, Hollywood Squares. These fine questions and answers are from the days when this game show's responses to the questions were spontaneous and riotonius, which means funnier than a riot. Peter Marshall was the emcee:

Pete: If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Pete: True or False: A pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Pete: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Pete: According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Pete: What are "Do it," "I can help," and "I can't get enough"?
George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Pete: Charley, you've decided to grow strawberries. Do you get any the first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not. I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Pete: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army.

Pete: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.

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The other day, the people in the dining room fed us something called "Pasta Coronary." I guess they got people waiting for rooms.

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My favorite word today is pretend. Vb., on the cheap. Def.: You ask for samples at all the Farmer's Market booths on grounds you can't make up your mind, say "hmmmm," and walk out having had a free lunch.