Every day I read the b**gs of several teachers, all of whom are frustrated by their charges And, get this, there might be some money in it. Ol' Hoss always needs money. Here's my idea, on which I am getting a patent leather or Wilbur/Orville CopyWright:
Ol' Hoss's Fix the Education System, Solve the Immigration Problem, Ease the School Tax Burden, Give the Teachers Some Help Schematic. (This will probably be shortened some, to Ol' Hoss's Fixit Scheme.)
The difficulty these days is most kids don't wanna learn anything. The solution: Don't try to teach 'em anything but one thing. The ones who do want to learn are so few we could have a one-on-one student-to-teacher ratio, and be just as good off as we are now.
The "one thing"? How to use Google/Yahoo/Ask Jeeves.
Think of it. Almost everything a kid needs to know is in one of them search engines. What is 2 + 2? Ask Google. Where is Chad? Ask Yahoo. Where can I get some dope? Google it. How can I build a bomb? See: Google. Who were Ponce de Leon, Davy Crockett, James Madison, Jean Baptiste Charbonneau*? You got it, Jeeves.
Teach 'em Google and sweep 'em out the door. If they need a job, they can do all the stuff the Mexicans are here to do because the blacks won't do it because the poor white trash won't do it. (I KNOW all those are slurs, but it's what I read now and then and I figured I throw it in here because, just in case, there's some truth in it. Anyway, kids 14 and older can paint houses or pick lettuce just as well as immigrants, which we then won't need no more, so la de da to that.)
Kids can learn almost anything from Google. How to build a house, for instance. But this is best learned from watching somebody else build a house. Then they learn first-hand how many pounds of nails they need, for instance. And if they can't count, they can use their fingers and toes. In the Ozarks, they can get up to 22 pounds that way.
Do NOT, however, let these bozos build stairways in these houses. That takes talent they will never have. I know this husband of one of my teacher b**ggers who builds stairways. Mr. Stargazer, who belongs to Teacher Woman (Margaret), is an artist. To see examples, go here. Kids who don't wanna learn anything except how to best show off their butt-crack will never be able to do it. It would be dangerous to climb any stairs these illiterate bozos built.
Somebody might be thinkin': Wait a minute! You gotta be able to read to Google. Well, not everybody needs a readin' job. Somebody has to kill turkeys for Thanksgiving. Don't take no readin' skill to do that.
I could go on all day. But won't. Enjoy your newfound freedom, teachers. Glad to help out.
(*Son of Sacajawea, who is buried in Oregon, so I didn't need no damn Google.)
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My favorite word today is brake.N., an infernal machine. Def.: On the grocery cart you get is the one with the wheel that turns sideways, effectively halting you in mid-aisle.
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