Assorted Fragments

This is some stuff that has to find a home other than my Old Folks' Home.

Judy (kenju) often sends me little gems. For instance, the Senior Dress Code. This is just some things that don't go together:

--Mini-skirts and support hose.
--Speedos and cellulite.
--Unbuttoned disco shirt with heart monitor.
--Inline skates and a walker.
--Thongs and Depends.

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Poopsie sent me A Little Book of Wit and Wisdom for my birthday (along with a beautiful orange/white bracelet for my wife, which she wears every day). Here's wisdom:

--"I was born in very sorry circumstances. My mother was sorry, and my father was sorry as well." --Norman Wisdom.

--"A 'woman driver' is one who drives like a man and gets blamed for it." --Patricia Ledger.

--"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work...I want to achieve it by not dying." --Woody Allen.

--"The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things." --Jilly Cooper.

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From Ivy:

The way to tell if you're old is if going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

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How come every country I know of will accept American money, but stores in the United States won't accept foreign money? Somebody told me it was because there aren't enough slots in the tills, which might be right. But why the heck do they keep making cigar boxes?

You know, they make a lot more cigar boxes than they make cigars to fill 'em. The only people who smoke cigars anymore are the ones who want lip cancer instead of lung cancer. But lots of cigar boxes are made for storing things. Anything. Like Canadian coins and Pesos and Rupees and Bahts and Euros. And shoestrings that don't match and dead batteries. I think if the U.S. became money friendly it would please the Chinese more than anything because they are good at printing money; any denomination, any country. It's like Rolexes.

Cigar boxes are the junk drawers of the past, present and future. Better get a cigar box franchise, like me.

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My favorite word today (from Anon. via Judy) is sweater. N., knit one, purl two. Def.: A garment worn by a child when its mother is cold.