And a Tip of the Hat to My New Sister

I have recently acquired a sister, Tan Lucy Pez. This came about because I declared Brother's and Sister's Day and she didn't have any. She had three sisters, but all have passed on, which causes scientists to say "so sad." Go visit Lucy. She's a pistol.

So, anyway, Lucy and I have paired up. She doesn't look anything like me, but we both are real pretty. And now I am uncle to three gorgeous daughters of Lucy. Hot damn.

Sister Lucy has sent me a tome-like thing that I will now share with you. It is a list of 1960's artists with new titles to their hits so as to accommodate aging people like me:

Herman's Hermits -- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker
The Bee Gees -- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?
Bobby Darin -- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Hot Flash
Ringo Starr -- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends
Roberta Flack -- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face
Johnny Nash -- I Can't See Clearly Now
Paul Simon -- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
The Commodores -- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom
Marvin Gaye -- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts
Procol Harem -- A Whiter Shade of Hair
Leo Sayer -- You Make Me Feel Like Napping
The Temptations -- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone
Abba -- Denture Queen
Tony Orlando -- Knock 3 Times on the Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall
Helen Reddy -- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore
Leslie Gore -- It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To
Willie Nelson -- On the Commode Again

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My favorite word today is hangover. N., pounding, pounding. Def.: The wrath of grapes.