My Kingdom for a Horsemeat

I suppose you know all about my plan to be reincarnated. Howsomeever, since I ain't done this before, I wonder if they is some trick to it. Do you have to know somebody? Any palms gotta be greased? Votes bought and sold?

If all it takes is money, that will be no problem. See, what I have done is I have bought me a horsemeat franchise. Lots of money in horsemeat. I hear that's what the dark chicken is in many Chinese restaurants. Rumor is that horsemeat is the tuna that's in a lot of Thai restaurants.

And the neat thing is, you can make horsemeat out of dogs. People who would eat horsemeat aren't very discriminating, so they don't care. The beef in lots of Vietnamese restaurants is dog, but the customers are happy because they think it's horsemeat.

When I return from my slow, painful death, I will have a major choice to make. Do I want to come back as a famous person (Ozzie Nelson)? A famous fish (Flipper)? Or a famous fish (Prince Charles)?

I have borrowed from the library a book with all named professions; maybe there's something in there I can use. These professions range from Aardvark Killer to Zorroing. Zorroing is where you go around slashing Z's on doors, walls and people's chests. This has some appeal.

Maybe I should come back as Mark Twain. I'll bet he could get a laugh out of a scientist joke.

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I hear the Amish have taken over a town in Eastern Oregon, and they plan to close the zipper factory. (Close the zipper factory!! Get it??!!) Scientists have put this in the category of "too bad."

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I must share this with you from Chris:

"You know you are addicted to blogging:

"--When you have consoled yourself after a horrible day by thinking, 'At least this will make a great blog post.'

"--When you have written posts to notify people you're going to sleep now."

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My favorite word today is despair. n., from starry spangled banners. Def.: When you come to the anthem part that says "rockets' red glare," the high note is beyond you, and you have to shift octaves.