Having Dinner With Abe Lincoln

My buddy Cheryl "Mags" has played tag on me. This is a pretty good meme, inasmuch as I didn't get bored with it nearly as fast as usual. Here are the things Maggie asked, and my insipid responses:

What were three of the stupidest things you have done in your life?

1. Marriage No. 1. It was okay to legalize the sex, but there ARE some other things, like compatability on finances, recreational interests, and education. I was too young for this shit.
2. Marriage No. 2. Do not buy into a two-for-one marriage. If your mate comes accompanied by a Mother Who Rules in All Things Important, do your Claude Rains invisible man trick.
3. I have never done anything stupid.

At the current moment, who has the most influence in your life?

I disrespect George W. Bush just as much as you do.

If you were given a time machine that functioned, and you were allowed to only pick up to five people to dine with, whom would you pick?

Here are my five, and the questions I would have:
Jesus: "You were a carpenter. Do you prefer mortise and tenon, or nails?"
Abraham Lincoln: "Is it true Mary was nuts?"
Clark Gable: "Did you use Wrigley's Spearmint or Topps Bubble Gum to pin back your ears?"
Leonard Da Vinci: "You invented a helicopter but missed out on the Frisbee. Does this make you sad?"
Christopher Columbus: "How much truth is there to this popular song?
.....Columbo had a cabin boy, this boy's name was Ripper.
.....He filled his ass
.....With broken glass
.....And circumcised the skipper."

If you had 3 wishes that were not supernatural, what would they be?

1. A cure for my wife's disease. You do that one, and you can have the other two.

Someone is visiting your hometown. Name two things you regret your city not having, and two things people should avoid.

Regrets: 1. I regret we don't have any glaciers. 2. I regret that somebody killed all of our oreodonts.
Avoid: 1. Avoid hotels that don't launder the wet spots. 2. Avoid hard luck stories by our local Nigerians.

Name one event that changed your life.

That would have to be my becoming buddies with Bill Gates. I have often written about this. So far, Bill has not been good about remembering my birthday.

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My favorite word today is escapism. Vb., nobody's home. Def.: Hiding in the kitchen when the Jehovah's Witnesses come to the door.