Another Free Book on the Internet

(It just dawned on me: Why would anybody buy my book when I put the whole thing on the Internet? That makes it free, just like the Bible, to which my book has been favorably compared. Making My Pile is getting harder and harder. Well, anyway, let's get the sucker over with.)

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WEENY WHODUNITS AND OTHER YODA YOGA

(Synopsis: In Chapter 1, Frank Buck taught several elephants how to jump. In Chapter 2, the field of medicine took a step backward. In Chapter 3, several noteworthy things occurred but it's all pretty murky. In Chapter 4, several Canadians were strung up on barbed wire as a warning to stay in Mexico. Chapter 5 invented Walden Pond and bird watching.)

CHAPTER SIX

As the ants were not fighting today -- it was a holiday -- Hector McBuck Buck decided to give up the solitary life on Called Up Pond. Moss was growing on his north side; he knew he should have joined the Holy Rolling Stones Church but that would have made him less of a lone ranger, who was William Boyd. As Buck emerged from his cabin on the shores of Gitchegoomee, several woodpeckers took the moss for nesting material.

"Ah gotta me a woman get," said Hector and Yoda in unison. "Hector is the last Buck, and the Bucks stop here must not."

As the progeny of an incestuous relationship between retarded twin girls, Hector....

(See, the way it worked was, Fifty Buck turned out to be a lesbian, so that's how Two-Dolla Buck got pregnant. This is according to Dr. Jekyll and Dr. Ruth.)

As the progeny of an incestuous relationship between retarded twin girls, Hector was about as bright as an off-ox, but he was also ugly. Hector often wondered if this made him one of those disadvantaged people that get government grants. Never mind; he Googled one of those "single women looking to get laid today" sites, and entered his curriculum vitae and stuff.

Name: Hector McBuck Buck
Famous Relatives: Frank Buck, the Other Pearl Buck, Tarzan, Thoreau
Race: 10,000 Meters
Yoga Position: Cat-Cow Sequence
Occupation: I generally occupy the first shitter I come to.
Aim in Life: I try to avoid pissing on my shoes.
Female Type Preferred: Yes.

Nobody answered Hector's ad. Mr. Horsetail Snake and his buddy Bill Gates paid for Hector's cremation. It cost them big Bucks.

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My favorite word today is discombobulation. Adv., first sign of senility. Def.: Standing in the bedroom wondering why you went in there.