Why Do I Have to Have a Title?

This little business of writing pieces for the Internet gets onerous when you have to come up with a catchy title day after day. I guess the purpose of the title is to persuade somebody there's something interesting going on down below. There hardly ever is, no matter how much the title promises.

So, why not just have a standing title, something that says the same thing every day? If readers don't wanna scroll down to see what's what, tough bananas to them. I think I'll start this tomorrow with this title: Up yours mine.

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I've got a chance to go into the Demonstration Sign Business. You know, homemade-looking signs to protest this or damn that. My partner says the signs will be professionally made but will look like crap so's the TV will be sure to give us some play. This here is a sign that needs a little work on the spelling, but you know everybody will notice it just on accounta that. Pretty slick, I'd say.

(We used this sign to protest at the Mensa convention. Later on, I imagine we'll segue right over to a meeting of Bush's Cabinet, and then take our sign over to Tom Cruises's wedding.)

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One thing you don't see a lot of on Ol' Hoss's page is a rant. You go back and check my stuff and you'll find a total of one (1). That was about the government's treatment of Japanese citizens during World War II. I still get a little ass-burn when I think about it.

Anyway, I think I might be entitled to take off on somebody or something one of these days. Of course there are several subjects that are off-limits, such as war, religion, politics, sex, sports, books, movies, pyramids, pulmonary thrombosis and apples. I'm not a very deep thinker, so best I can figure is that this leaves me with just these topics to rant about:

Why shoelaces are too short
Why the Romans called their roads "iter"*
Why shorts tend to creep up your ass-crack
Air quality in Mexico City
Why the French have nothing to be smug about
Why listen to the mockingbird

If you got any good topics I haven't thought of (which I doubt you do, since I have now decided I am a pretty good thinker after all), send 'em in.

(* I think it was because iter works so good in crossword puzzles.)

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So Heather Heep called our Administrator here in the Olden Days Home and said she couldn't come to work on accounta she's got anal glaucoma.

Administrator: "What's that?"
Heather: "I can't see my ass coming to work today."

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My favorite word today is ameliorate. N., mixed blessing. Def.: When you are able to announce what Amelior ate for dinner.

(There's not a lot of call for this word. I guess because there aren't a lot of people named Amelior.)