It Takes a Lot of Bananas to Catch One Fish

Once again, I am not here today. I wrote a guest post for my buddy over at Poop Happens, so you can use the link in my Geriatric Ward to go see it. For one thing, that piece tells you why I am not homeless.

It wouldn't be right, though, to leave you without a ribtickler since you took the time to visit Ol' Hoss today. So here's a puny effort to get you started while you're hanging around the coffee pot at work.

I hope you like the catchy title for this piece. See, the other day I was complainin' about having to write titles for my stories and allowed as how maybe I should just tell everything under a catchall title. But my new buddy Karla sent me a few titles so now I'm all fixed up. The titles don't relate to anything I'm writin' about, but who cares?

The theme of my piece over at Poopie's site is education. I am damn good as a educator. For instance, I can tell your parents not to name you after a body part. See, that's what somebody did to this baseball pitcher playing for the Los Angeles/Anaheim Angels. His name is Bartolo Colon. Everybody tells him, "Oooo, too bad, Bartolo, ain't that the shits?" Then they giggle and go back in their holes.

Amd how about this headline in the New York Times: "Yankees Put Wang on Disabled List." My first thought was, well, sure, some poor sap got hisself one of those Cialis 36-hour hard-ons, and his wang ain't worth sour owlshit. (It later turned out they was talking about a Korean pitcher named Chief-Ming Wang, but still.... Just don't name your babies after penises.)

And don't name 'em after armpits, either.

The dodo bird has been extinct since 1681.

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My favorite phrase today is a bad spell. N., learning by rote. Def.: A road sign that says "No Truning" as if the sign painters intended to keep you alert to more than one possibility.