Take Courtney to Lunch; the Book's on Hold

Hey! You owe me, so I'm calling in your marker. Promise me you will go visit a 17-year-old writer named Courtney, who is an artist, a computer wizard, writer and movie-maker. Recently she went to South Korea with a school group to videotape the kids' chorus and she's got an interesting report and a batch of pictures about it. Show her some encouragement. She's the daughter of Jamie Dawn, one of my Internet buddies. Visit Jamie, too. Get with it, you weasels, or I'll be all over you like a tall dog.

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It has taken Ol' Hoss all day to get a push from George W., so as a result the death throes of my book, "Weeny Whodunits and Other Yoda Yoga," will not be in evidence until tomorrow. Be forewarned: It is a two-hanky tear-jerker.

I was reading some position papers by George W. this morning hoping for some enlightenment about the direction the country is taking. Hoo boy and boy howdy, the direction is splungth, an Old Serbian word meaning "up in the air."

"It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way." --Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005.

"We're looking forward to analyzing and working with legislation that will make it --it would hope -- put a free press's mind at ease that you're not being denied information you shouldn't see." --Washington, D.C., Aapril 14, 2005.

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There is a reason why Chapter Six will be the finale for "Weeny Whodunits." I have been advised by my publisher to wrap it up while it still has legs. (For you non-book writers, a book "has legs" if it has "a long run" with the public. I just made this up, probably.) See, the publisher is anxious for me to write some other books I've been briefing him on ever since the Nagasaki H-bomb created so many construction jobs. Here are some of the titles:

"War and Peas," a thinly disguised biography of the monk, Gregor Mendel, whose sugar snaps fueled the American Revolution.

"That Sucks," co-authored with Bill Clinton about the allure of Revlon Red on beefy lips.

"Vanity Hair," an expose' of how the one-eyed look made Veronica Lake a star.

"Vanity Shelf," a novella about woodworking in the 17th Century.

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My favorite word today is a-twitter. Vb., naked anxiety. Def.: Shifting from one foot to the other in a desperate attempt to forestall disaster because the boss is telling a joke that has interrupted your trip to the bathroom.