Das Book, the Continuing Saga

(Synopsis: In earlier chapters we found Frank Buck heavily ensconced in the elephant parts business. Would-be doctors were shoving ice cubes up their patients butts, and Tarzan invented the zebra. Frank Buck died in 1950 after helping out John Phillip Sousa with some march tunes. Pearl Buck died a few minutes after 1950.)


CHAPTER FOUR

The lone progeny of Frank and Pearl Buck was a boy named Buck. Buck Buck, actually. Childhood friends nicknamed him "Chicken" because they found if they said "Buck Buck" in falsetto it would sound like a Rhode Island Red on the peck. His middle name was Leroy, but since that didn't lend itself to sounding like a chicken, or even a mongoose, it fell into disuse.

Since Frank Buck had seen to the creation of the Dallas Zoo, it was only natural that Buck Buck became a barbed wire salesman. He only did it because it lent itself so well to a Texas accent: "bobbed w'ahr," he would say to Bostonians, who hardly ever ordered any.

Buck became the leading exponent of double twisted yin-yang bobbed w'ahr, and soon had thrown it up all along the Rio Grande to deter Canadian wetbacks. He was designated a Texas Ranger after proving, according to Yoda, "that no Canadians the U.S. border from Mexico illegally crossed."

He worked hard to replace string with bobbed w'ahr, but came up empty when string was replaced by Scotch tape and Sticky Notes. He did manage to get some of his yin-yang w'ahr used as the tape at the finish line for the 100-meter dash at the 1992 Olympics. He took full responsibility for the ensuing carnage by cancelling his bill.

"Crackerjack salesman," admirers would call Buck Buck. So, in his retirement, Buck Leroy Buck sold Crackerjacks at the Houston Astros baseball stadium, after first removing the prize. He liked to see small children hit on their daddies when they found no prize in their Crackerjacks, and no joy in Mudville.

Buck Buck was married in 1947 to Ten Broek, who then became Ten Buck. She bore twins, naming them Fifty and Two-Dolla.

The twins entered the elephant parts business in 1988 after successfully developing the world's first elephant feedlot in Omaha. They also managed free-range elephants on Ted Turner's property in Montana. Parts from there were more expensive but this mattered not to environmentalists, who will pay any price to give elephants and windmills a home on the range, which was Roy Rogers's favorite song but not as popular as Gene Autry's "Back in the Saddle Again."

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Courtesy of OzGuru my favorite word today is suburbia. N., New York City slang. Def.: Where they tear out the trees and name streets after them.