Advertise Your B**g on the Hoss Channel

My new buddy Pointmeister discovered somewhere on the Internet what he described as "The Old Hoss Channel." And if you look at this picture real careful-like you will se Mr. Snake semi-prominently displayed.

Well, I gotta admit the Pointmeister has outted me. I was tryin' to keep it secret that I'm gonna have a cable TV channel until I had a full 13 weeks worth of around-the-clock programs in the can. I won't worry about any more than that, for once it gets started The Ol' Hoss Channel will self-perpetuate -- writers from everywhere will be all over me like a tall dog to get in on my action.

You are probably interested in the names of the programs already on tape and ready to go as soon as the FCC gives me some bandwidth, or whatever the hertz geeks call it:

"Ol' Hoss, the Football Player and His Women: Hoss Goes Long"
"Ol' Hoss, the Softball Player and His Women: Hoss Goes Deep"
"Old Folks at Home: Variety in Organ Bequests"
"Where Elephants Go to Die: The Ivory Soap Years"
"Dung Beetles on the Loose: Elephant Shit Has No Chance"
"Prostates We Have Seen: A Surgeon Goes Deep"
"Religious Experiences: Who Invented the Virgin Mary?"
"The Truth About Botox: Warnings About Home-Canned Green Beans"
"Elders Speak Out: Homilies You Can Safely Ignore"
"Accepting Your Body Shape: The Cellulite Pride Society"
"Does God Care?: Live Chat With Big Ernie"
"The 7 Blunders of the World: The Conception of Donald Trump"

I am still collecting names of potential hosts for what will be my prime-time knockout show: "Why Scientists Say 'Too Bad'."

I wonder if the hits I get on this piece can be used to show advertisers what power I got with b**g readers. I am wanting a 50 rating and a 14.0 share.

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My favorite word today is smug. Adj., sorry about that. Def.: The satisfied look on the face of someone in the express elevator as the doors of the car shut just when you get there.