Cerebral Is as Cerebral Does

Yesterday I allowed as how I was gonna bail out Internet b**ggers who got writer's cramp from goin' brain dead. Part of my plot to Make My Pile is to secretly substitute for these people with some topical topics. For a price.

Some Internet writers find they got nothin' interesting to say so they rely on formula pap, like "Uninteresting Things in My Junk Drawer," or "What We Had at Burger King." Instead of that, they can hire Ol' Hoss, the Master Internet Double. They give me their user name and password and I will tap into their site and post some spellbinding stuff in their name. Nobody will be the wiser, except me and the poor sap who is payin' me.

Here are the categories in which I am offering services:

Gardening: Types of Fish to Use in the Corn Row
Child Rearing: The Kids Were So Cute Today
Child Rearing: Did I Really Give Birth to These Monsters?
Comedy: Bad Jokes and Good ($5 off if permitted to use the F-bomb)
Vacations: Without Gnats, $30; With Gnats, Free
Rants: Any Subject Except George Bush, who needs no help making himself look like an asshole
Walmart: That Bitch in Aisle 3 Never Watches Where She's Going
Weird Science: Which Came First, the Opossum or Lois Lane
Man-Eating Sharks: List of Stomach Contents, Alphabetical Order
Movie Reviews: (This piece will be free, because Ol' Hoss does not go to the movies. All movie reviews will say: "This stinks. Don't go to the movies and you'll never see another bad one.")

The cheapest standard pot-boiler I got is "Blogger Ate My Piece Again Today."

The line forms to the left.

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My favorite word today is suckered. Adj., doilies abound. Def.: How the person feels who has patterned her life after Martha Stewart.

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(You know, I better rethink this Master Internet Double idear. It sounds a lot like work, and if I have to work to Make My Pile, I ain't very interested.)