I regret to report that I have no idea who sent this to me. I don't get stalked a lot, so it probably wasn't one of those. I am publishing it here because I want you to know what I think of me.
It was smart of me to quit smoking. I have gained 400,000 dollars.
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I had occasion to go back into my archives and I found something that needs to be re-stated but rewritten. It is key to evolutionary theory. Here it is, in the form of a question to you:
"If it were up to you, would you populate the world with more people like you, or more people like me?" Take your time. I got all day.
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To help you out, here are some more of the 38,477 things about me:
96. The way I got to be speechwriter for Oregon Governor Tom McCall was this: His administrative assistant offered the job, and said, "Think about it." And I said, "I don't need to think about it. I'll do it. You see, just the other day I got a Fortune Cookie message that said 'Opportunity is coming your way.' This must be it." Boy howdy, that was a good job. All the good advice I ever got came from
97. In 1970 I had a bit part in a locally produced play, "The Andersonville Trial." It was based on the story of a guy who presided over a prison built by the Confederacy to house Union soldiers. I had one line, spoken to the chief prosecutor: "You make me feel old." And then the first thing I knew, I actually got to be old. I have always voted for The Old Days, when I was young.
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Terrorists who are trying to kill our people resent being called "towel heads." What they wear on their heads is not actually a towel but a small folded sheet. "Please," they urge, "call us sheet heads."
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My favorite word today is creeps. N., insecurity. Def.: The feeling, as you begin your trip, that you have left something behind but you can't remember what it is except that it will be whatever the Target store in the next town is out of.
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(* Some people can't wait and have it for lunch.)
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