They advertise themselves as "the world's leading pet-cloning company." And I sure wouldn't mind coming back as a pampered cat. (The company tells me there is not much call for people who want to come back as pot-bellied pigs.) I am well-disposed, though, to coming back as Smokey, the now-dead Russian Blue pet of this couple who live in Medford, Oregon. Before he died, Smokey had some of his cells harvested and stored down in this Texas clone-a-torium because, the owners said, it "had a melodic meow and a distinct personality." Which sounds like me all over.Genetic Savings & Clone started out asking for 50,000 smackers to clone your pet, but what with down-sizing and out-sourcing and what not, the price is now down to $32,000. These Medford people think in a few years it will be down to $10,000, which sounds about right to them. I mean, this was a good cat.
So what I need to do is get some of my cells scraped off and sent down to GS&C and mixed in with those Smokey molecules. Somebody said the only cells that work are those they scrape off your baby-maker. We'll see. I'll do whatever it takes because I sure want to get took care of by that Medford couple. I love to be doted on.
Of course I will need to send it some money, which I don't have. I thought about an advance sale on my body parts. You know how much my body (and yours) is worth, piece by piece? $4.50. Maybe $5 if you're really fat because hide sells for 25 cents a square foot and so fat people have a real advantage when it comes to selling their parts.
So I will need to figure out some other way to Make My Pile. I wonder if there's much of a market for Russian Blue cats? That would be a good business to get into, because I understand they go for about $10,000 apiece.
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My favorite phrase today is Judas goat. N., of biblical proportions. Def.: The asswipe who says "Let's have one more" when you are already drunk.
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