Where Do Jersey Cows Come From?

I have this buddy, named Debi, who lives over there in Jersey. Only this isn't Jersey as in New Joisey, but Jersey as in a Channel Island just off France (but is part of the United Kingdom). Jersey is so little (46 sq. mi.) that it would fit inside my home county, but then it wouldn't have ocean all around it.

Jersey is where Jersey cows were invented. There is a littler island just north named Guernsey, which is where Guernsey cows were invented. I have been thinking about inventing a cow, but a cow named Horse probably wouldn't sell too well. "A Man Called Horse" was a good movie, though.

Debi has "tagged" Ol' Hoss with one a them "meme" thingies. So I'll get right on it.

What I was doing 10 years ago:

I was golfing at the Salem Golf Club. I did that every day, back then. I wish she had asked "What were you doing 25 years ago?" Then I could have said I was making a hole-in-one on No. 8 at the Salem Golf Club. But, no, she asked about 10 years ago, so you'll not get to read about my hole-in-one on No. 8 at the Salem Golf Club 25 years ago.

What I was doing 5 years ago:

I was playing gin rummy at the Salem Golf Club. When I got bummed out playing golf I shifted to gin rummy as I am a good card player, as you would expect. But a lot of cripples who quit playin' golf before I did had studied up on the gin nuance and I lost a lot of money. Most of those guys have died. I hope they rot. They probably will.

What I was doing 1 year ago:

I was playing on-line bridge and I had for a partner this dimwitted lady from France who did not understand that an electronic knee-nudge was the signal for 6 spades. She probably thought it was an invitation to whip up a menage a trois or some of that other salacious creepy French stuff.

What I was doing yesterday:

It was the day here in the Home for Us Golden Agers that we get our apartment cleaned. The cleaner is the former night manager, who is hot hot hot. If I could get a picture of some flames on here you could see just how hot she is. I could hardly bring myself to look at the big tatoo on her back when she leaned over to clean the shower. And so she wouldn't be embarrassed I stood there with my hands at the ready in case her titties fell out of her T-shirt when she vacuumed under my chair and I would be able to tuck 'em right back in. They didn't fall out, so I guess all in all it was a pretty dull day. Oh, I read some pieces written by my Internet buddies. They were all pretty lame.

Five snacks that I like:

Did you know that Corn Dogs are also known as Pronto Pups? Also: Glenfiddich Scotch, Fried Twinkies, Uno bars and whatever Angie thinks would be good for me. Angie is the queen of the Internet recipe, trust me.

Five things I would do with $100,000:

I would probably get 5 x $20,000 worth of lottery tickets. And then I would say, "Easy come, easy go."

Five locations I would run away to:

This is easy. A lot of my readers is hot women. I wish I had a picture of some flames somewhere on this page so I could show you how hot they are. There are at least five I want to get next to (*wink wink*). I would name names if it were required, but it isn't. (Women who want to know if they're on my hot list can eMail me at nowayamitellingyou@bugspot.com. But save yourself some time. If you are a female, you are on it. If you are a male, you might not be.)

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My favorite word today is silly. Adj., that's so lame. Def.: How you look when trying to imitate Gene Wilder in "Young Frankenstein" when he is told by Igor to "walk this way."