Blame It All on Me

Ol' Hoss never knows which of his schemes will be the money-maker he so sorely needs, so he just goes on thinkin' up new diddles before anybody else can get to 'em. It is especially satisfying to beat my buddy Bill Gates to the finish line.

As you know, I always get a copywilburwright and/or a patent leather on my ideas before I spring 'em on my readers. So don't be botherin' to steal today's idea, which is:

Ol' Hoss's Shoulder the Blame Megacorp.

Here's the premise: Hardly anything hurts the psyche like having to admit guilt. You know how you feel when you have to confess you didn't get the kids the right present, or you're late to work because you slept in, or you've peed on the toilet seat. It's an embarrassment, is what it is. People point fingers at you and say, "Shame." The story about your misdeed is told over and over into the next generation. You never live it down.

Get it off your back. For a fee, you can blame it on Ol' Hoss. And I will admit guilt! I am used to apologizing. You should have seen me carry on when I knocked Hilda Moonbuckle down the stairs here in The Old People's Home. I got all red-faced and whiny, got a beat look on my face, did some world-class cringin' and promised to go and sin no more. Apologia is my middle name.

"Mike*! You pissed on the toilet seat again!" "Nope," says Mike. "Hoss did it."

"You promised to be here at 3:30!" "Hoss stole the car."

See, you just send me a quick message from your fancy phone so I'll know what I'm confessin' to, and nobody needs to be the wiser. Just be sure to specify whether you need a Class A snivel or maybe only a Class D "I'm plenty sorry about that."

I bet you're feeling better already, considering how much guilt you're carrying around.

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A place on the Internet has been pointed out to me that is sort of fun. It's called the Sloganizer. Type in a word or two and it makes slogans for you. I like slogans:

"Feel the magic of nursing homes."
"I lost weight with cremation."

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My buddy Judy told me what Confucious told her:

"Man who walk through turnstile sideways going to Bangkok."

"Crowded elevator smell different to midget."

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My favorite word today is :: ::. N., in any dice game, roll them bones. Def.: Your point is 8.

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* I am hoping to drum up business from the two Mikes on my Favorites list, Mike Miller and Michael Ashley.