Salem History and Then Some

I think I should tell you something about where Ol' Hoss lives, which is in Salem, Oregon. Salem was probably settled in 1840 by a preacher named Jason Lee. Nobody living today was there, so this is just a wild guess. "Salem" is an anglicized version of the Hebrew word "shalom," which means "up yours."

Salem is the capital of Oregon. This Capitol Building was built in 1937 because we had trouble keepin' our previous capitols out of harm's way. One of them burned up in 1855 out of sympathy for Sherman's impending march through Georgia. Another of them burned up in 1935 out of sympathy for Clark Gable's mad dash through Atlanta as it went up in smoke.

Salem is about 23 miles north of Scio, which is a small... Or maybe that's Albany. Whichever is on the freeway. Then about 20 miles over to the west is Falls City. That's where the brother-marrying-the-sister jokes go after people are done with them in West Virginia. If you averaged the kids in Falls City they would be pretty close to average, except like everybody else they send their Christmas cards to North Pole, Alaska, to get a cool postmark.

Up north a little ways is Portland, which was named for some burg in Maine. If Hoss had been there it probably would have been named for a little town in Montana by the name of Maudlin, which is what I am one of. Maudlin, Mont., doesn't exist anymore but I guess Butte is still goin' strong.

The Maudlins got their start in England or Scotland or one of them foreigner countries that don't use good English like we got today. Before that the Maudlins lived in France but their name was Cro-Maggot or something like that. From England we came to Virginia but there are a lot of Maudlins in Ohio so I guess that just goes to show you.

There are some in Missouri too but I don't know if we ever traded at Harry Truman's haberdashery. Probably we would have if we had known he was gonna turn out to be such a famous bomb thrower. But I suppose the people in Hiroshima today don't even know who did it.

I guess that's about all I know about Salem.

+ + + + + + + +

My favorite word today is religion. N., old testimonial. Def.: Something not meant to be understood which permits a bunch of people in pulpits to explain all over again the mystery of Easter and The Rolling Stones.