Sister Makes Leaving Pay Off

I don't know if I told you this, but I have to tell you this because I know how much you'll miss Carolina Sister. She is moving to Portland, Oregon. Here's a picture of her son giving their car a fill-up.

Sister says she's moving to Portland to be closer to.... well, I can't remember what she'll be closer to. Salem, where I live, is closer to the ocean. The Willamette River goes through Portland but it goes right through the middle of Salem and is only three-four stones' throws from where we live. Five stones into the wind.

It could be that she wants to be closer to Japan. I give Portland that. Japan is a lot closer to Portland than it is to Salem. So is Russia and some other places, but Salem is closer to San Francisco, which may be a bad thing because of all the homos down there. I bet the homos in San Francisco wished they lived in Salem because they'd be closer to Canada where they could get married. Well, that'd be all right. I got nothing against homos. Some of my best friends aren't homos.

So Carolina is having this "garage" sale in her room here in The Home on the Deranged. I go in and see she has 21 rolls of toilet paper that look suspiciously like the t.p. that The Home puts in the public restrooms.

Hoss: "That looks like the t.p. they put in the public restrooms."

Carolina Sister: "Well, they just keep putting that paper in there and a lot of it doesn't get used right away so I bring it in here for safekeeping. Take some, it's only 40 cents a roll."

Hoss: "Uh, what about this stuff in the corner, the sheets, and pillow cases and cotton dresses. Won't you need that stuff in Portland?"

Sister: "Oh, no. All that stuff is from the lost and found here. There's lots of good stuff in the lost and found. You have to get there early, though."

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Ol' Hoss knows no foreign languages but has a vast appreciation for any mother tongue that gifts me with such truths as:

Para todo mal, mezcal, y para todo bien, tambien. ("As a remedy for everything bad, mezcal; and to celebrate everything good, mezcal too.")

(Mezcal is the one that comes with the worm in it. Believe it or not, the worm was put in originally to give the booze a better taste.)

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My favorite word today is leavings. Vb., possibly borscht. Def.: Placing in the refrigerator a leftover that is too small to make a meal but cannot be thrown out until it is sufficiently moldy.