I Can Do It For You Wholesale

There's a lotta Bible study here in The Old Folks' Home. Some people is naturally worried about the hereinafter; they get kind of morose, really, which is too bad. It is especially bad because if they read the Bible atall they would know they's supposed to be happy.

In the fourth chapter of Philippians, Ol' Paul* says, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation."

Don't that sound just like your buddy Ol' Hoss? "Happy as a clam." "Oh Happy Day." "Happier than a two-peckered billy goat."

The problem is that this might work to my disadvantage in my new occupation. If you're happy all the time how can you rant effectively about bumble-dick government, bad porn, taxes, and impertinent children? But I guess I gotta do it because there's such a need: I am gonna be writing Internet pieces for people whose wells have run dry.

I probably haven't told you about this before. See, what I went and done is incorporate myself as "Master Internet Double." People are gonna hire me as secret agent to write their Internet pieces when they got nothing to say but don't want their readers to know they has run out of material. There is no greater shame than to run out of material and be left b**gging on such topics as:

"The various colors of puke"
"I guess I'll go to bed now"
"Even coffee isn't helping this morning"
"Here's another one from the archives"
"Maybe I'll have something tomorrow"

Maybe I'll have something tomorrow on my categories of service, with a price list. Well, actually, there's no maybe about it. Hoss always has something tomorrow.

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My favorite word today is guess. Vb., that's odd. Def.: What you do when you see in the midriff of a sunbather what is either an "outie" belly button or a large piece of lint.

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* Paul, also known as Saul, was a tent-maker in real life. You thought all tent-makers were named Omar, didn't you?