I Am Out to Lunch in Connecticut

A b**gging friend of mine is writing a book. I offered to help out, since I am that kind of Hoss. I asked if she could use some "filler" or "bridge the gap" stuff, like this:

"He stood there riveted, like a pair of 501 Levis. He could see that it wasn't going to work out between him and the school marm, for she had way too much furniture for one pack horse. The camera zoomed in tight as he let go of a tear -- but only from one eye! 'Hmmm,' opined the school marm, 'he only cares half as much for me as I thought.' She curtsied in her corset and made plans to tear out his tear ducts. The cowboy said 'Get along, Paint,' and he rode into the sunspot."

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I am not here today. I am subbing for my buddy Whizzer, who lives in snowbound Connecticut but is on a cruise to Cozumel or some place like that. I think she plans to go to the Mayan city that was named backward, Chichen Itza. Obviously they meant: Itza Chicken, because odds are they were Italians. Itza squash; Itza maize; Itza pizza, like a big piece of pie Itz amore'.

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My favorite word today is later. Adj., can it wait? Def.: Descriptive of a person who always has a "Things To Do" list but never does any of them.