Life in a Test Tube

A long while back (1971) an Oregon legislator of my acquaintance, Rich Kennedy, was trying to convince his cohorts to pass a bill that would require two public members to be appointed to all state boards and commissions. He argued that the boards, constituted of members of a particular trade or profession, existed simply to keep other people out. So he handed out a paper giving examples of "typical license board examinations."

Education: Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa.

Medicine: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 50 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system.

Music: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

Psychology: Evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicea and Hammurabi.

Engineering: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes, a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate.

Economics: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, and the wave theory of light. Point out the deficiencies in your plan.

Sociology: Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world.

+ + + + + + + +

My favorite word today is catfight. N., your record-keeping stinks. Def.: The argument you have with the Blockbuster clerk about whether you did indeed return that CD.