Just Catching Up on a Few Things

As you know, I was not able to post anything on Christmas on account of Internet hookup problems. So I didn't get to repeat what LadyBug gave me as one of those re-writes of the old 'Twas the Night Before. I won't give you the whole thing, just some parts that especially relate to us Old and In the Way People:

"Our salad was Jell-O, so jiggly and great,
"Then puree of fruitcake was spooned on each plate.
"The social director then had us play games,
"Like 'Where Are You Living?' and 'What Are Your Names?'

"Old Grandfather Looper was feeling his oats,
"Proclaiming that reindeer were nothing but goats.
"Our resident wanderer was tied to her chair,
"In hopes that at bedtime she still would be there."

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Is this dog blonde? Close enough. Here is part of the "famous" blonde's year in review:

January: Took scarf back to store. Was too tight.

March: Finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months. Box said "2-4 years."

April: Trapped on escalator for 5 hours. Power went out.

July: Lost breast stroke swimming contest. Other swimmers used their arms.

December: Couldn't call 911. No "eleven" button on my phone.

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According to Oz:

A lady gives birth in a hospital, and her doctor comes in with a worried look on his face. She says, "Is there something wrong?"

Doctor: "Well, yes, I'm afraid that your baby is a hermaphrodite."

She: "What's that?"

Doctor: "That means the child has features of both a male and a female."

She: "You mean it has a penis...and a brain?"

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My favorite phrase today is 45 minutes. Adj., the joke is on blonde males. Def.: The difference between a boyfriend and a husband.