Feb. 14 -- A Most Auspicious Day

I thought I could slink into my room without him seeing me, but no. Feelgood Haines, the Old Folks' Home historian, saw me and said, "Hold on, Hoss. You know what day this is?"

Hoss: "I don't care what day it is. It is time for my nap. See you later."

Feelgood: "Now hold on, this is important. This is Feb. 14, which is Oregon's birthday. Oregon was voted into statehood on Feb. 14, 1859, making us 'The Sweetheart State.'"

Hoss: "Oregon is the Beaver State."

Feelgood: "See, in 1843 the settlers gathered together for what they called the 'Wolf Meetings,' to see if they couldn't get a handle on the wild animals that was threatenin' their livelihood -- wolves, grizzlies, cougars, bears and dung beetles. So they decided instead to become a State, and then segued right into racial discrimination and snake oil."

Hoss: "Do tell."

Feelgood: "When Oregon adopted its constitution, it said blacks and Chinese need not apply. After the Civil War, in 1865, the feds said you can't exclude nobody on accounta their race, and Oregon said 'up yours.'* Later on the blacks excluded most whites from the National Basketball Association. Funny how things even out."

Hoss: "About the snake oil.....?"

Feelgood: "Made out of pure rattlesnake oil. Cured everything, including deafness. You heard of Snake Oil salesmen haven't you, Hoss? They got a bad rep now, but back then they was in the business of savin' lives just like the preachers was."

Feelgood: "You know, just today I was pawin' through some old letters my Dad got from my grandfather about how times was in the old Oregon days, and I come across this one that struck me kinda funny. He wrote and said, 'Matilda has had a baby, but I don't know if it's a boy or a girl. So I don't know whether you're an Uncle or an Aunt.'"

(*The exclusion act was repealed 60 years after the Federal government said it was unconstitutional.)

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My favorite word today is garden. N., where moles live. Def.: A place to which rocks and weeds migrate.