On Being a Hobo

I guess it was in the 1920's and 1930's when the economy was sour and when the Dust Bowl came along that some of us first got wind of people we called hobos. One study claimed there were five categories of these guys:

1. Seasonal workers
2. Casual migratory workers, the true hobo
3. The migratory non-worker, the tramp
4. The non-migratory casual worker, the "home guard"
5. The non-migratory, non-worker, the bum
A present-day example of No. 5 is the gentleman on Rodeo Drive in Los Angeles, holding up his sign: "Homeless, hungry, please help. Or see my website at www.hobo.com."

One of the best-known hobos was Woody Guthrie, who wrote a zillion songs, including "This Land is My Land." One of the best known tramps was Charlie Chaplin, who starred in a movie by that name -- and it was not generally known that Charlie was indeed a hobo at an early age, having to fend for himself in London streets after his mother went berserk.

Some hobos would hitchhike but the "glamour" was in riding the freight trains -- and trying to avoid being assaulted by the railroad "bulls." The 'bos got loosely organized, and developed a system of symbols to advise their brethren what to look for in any given community. They would scratch these symbols on fences and telephone poles to advise followers what to expect -- for instance, how to go "lordy lordy" to get a free meal.

Today, hobos are big business. Every August in Britt, Iowa, there is a National Hobo Association Convention. They chow down on "Mulligan Stew", sleep under the stars, get drunk, and elect a King and Queen of the Hobos (whose crowns are made of Folger's coffee cans).

How do you know if you're a hobo at heart? If, when you see someone walking along, you wonder how they would taste raw.

Why am I telling you all this? Because my Mom and Dad fed some of them. Because I had an uncle who was one. And because I got such a slick "Word of the Day."

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My favorite word today is hobosexual. N., precursor of metrosexual. Def.: A bum lay.