Short Shrift Saturday #15

In my latest weird dream I am an officer on a Liberty Ship in World War II. My 9-year-old daughter is with me. I will let you know if either of us gets killed.

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Speaking of which, did you see the report on how to figure out how soon old people are going to die? Researchers have this Q & A with 12 risk factors to try to answer that for people over 50. Here are the questions in the "Mortality Test", with the scoring table below:

1. Age. 60-64, 1 point; 65-69, 2 points; 70-74, 3 points; 75-79, 4 points; 80-84, 5 points; 85 and older, 7 points.
2. Male, 2 points; female, 0 points.
3. Body-mass index, less than 25(normal weight or less), 1 point. (It is more dangerous to be thin than slightly fat. Go figure.)
4. Diabetes, 2 points.
5. Cancer (excluding minor skin cancers), 2 points.
6. Chronic lung disease that limits activities or requires oxygen use at home, 2 points.
7. Congestive heart failure, 2 points.
8. Cigarette smoking in the past week, 2 points.
9. Difficulty bathing/showering because of a health or memory problem, 2 points.
10. Difficulty managing money/expenses because of a health or memory problem, 2 points.
11. Difficulty walking several blocks because of a health problem, 2 points.
12. Difficulty pushing or pulling large objects like a living-room chair because of a health problem, 1 point.

Scoring: Zero to 5 points, less than a 4 percent risk of dying in the next four years; 6-9 points, 15 percent risk; 10-13 points, 42 percent risk; 14 or more, 64 percent risk.

Ol' Hoss got 14 points. Scientists always say this is "too bad." Naturally I have put in for a recount.

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My favorite word today is interruptus. Adj., blowing you away. Def.: A guy explodes with flatulence right as you reach the punchline in your joke.