Life's Guilty Pleasures

My buddy Carolyn has laid a meme on Ol' Hoss. She couldn't a picked a better person, for I am death on memes. In this one, I am supposed to tell you of "five guilty pleasures." I can rattle off five of the orgiastics without slowin' for breath.

1. Athlete's Foot Medicine. Nothing spells relief better than Lamisil. But I don't waste time spreading it between my toes. I just slather my sheets with it, just in case I am getting athlete's foot of the buttcrack.

2. Freezing Rain. What you do is you check out the cars coming down the hill near my Old Folks' Home and watch 'em slide into each other. Some of those bozos are such bad drivers they'd not be safe in a Red Flyer. God it's funny watching these people get hauled off to the hospital.

3. Getting Rid of a Hangover. I don't feel guilty about drinkin'. I know I shouldn't drink. But I do it anyway because it feels so good when the hangover goes away and I can have a few more drinks.

4. Making My Pile. This is a borderline guilty pleasure, on grounds that I haven't yet Made My Pile. But when I do I probably will be somewhat ashamed that you bozos won't get any of it. And I will laugh and laugh.

5. Lying. I read and comment on more than 100 b**gs every day. And I tell you cheery things and hand out compliments. In fact, though, all your stuff is pretty lame.*

(*There I go again, lying. It's such a pleasure.)

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My favorite phrase today is ne'er do well. N., "the poor shall always be with us." Def.: The student who changes his major field of study from "accordion" to "mime."