For He Was a Jolly Good Fellow

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head!

But the dad loves his son and tends to him with love and compassion. After 21 years the son is old enough for his first drink, so dad takes him to the bar. Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoop! A torso pops out!

The bar is dead silent, then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink!" Swoop! Two arms pop out! The crowd chants again, "Take another drink!" By now the boy is getting tipsy, but he obliges, guzzling the last of the drink. Swoop! Two legs pop out!

The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks Big Ernie. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left....then to the right...right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.

The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says, "That boy should have quit when he was a head."

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My favorite word today is lottery. N., get poor quick schemes. Def.: A tax on people who are bad at math.