1. I love dung beetles. The reason for this is quite simple: Dung beetles are to shit what I am to fudgesicles -- so, you see, we both enjoy our work. Besides that, they helped me clean up after the dog, when I had a dog.2. I wear mail-order clothes. We have plenty of stores in town that sell shoes and shorts and shirts and T-shirts and pants and hankies and stuff like that. BUT IT DOESN'T COME BY MAIL!! Everybody knows that getting something in the mail is the greatest fun since chopped butter.
3. My grandson sucks. This is my step-grandson, Jordan, who is taller than me, stronger than me, smarter than me and prettier than me. So, he sucks. So would all of you people who are taller, stronger, smarter and prettier -- but, of course, there aren't any.
4. My granddad was a preacher. I've told you about this before. He was actually a great preacher, full of fire and brimstone. You did not want to be thinking about hell on his watch. Now that he's gone it is safe for me to be an atheist. Even in a foxhole.
5. My work was for nothing. One summer when I was about 19, I got a job with the lumber mill plucking rocks out of the road they had built at Pine Mountain, east of Bend. The next year, they decided that having rocks in the road gave it a good base, so they hired a trucker to bring some in. That was okay by me; I had a soft job over in the valley.
6. I like capital punishment. I know, I know. A liberal like me is supposed to be against killing people. I can't help myself. When I think of some arsehole killing a baby for no good reason, I think: Well, let's off that dude and we'll have one less bastard to worry about. I wouldn't kill ALL the killers, just some of 'em. I guess I could take applications?+ + + + + + + +
My favorite word today is insurance. N., oh I love for somebody to sell me some. Not. Def.: The only thing that makes death worthwhile.
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